Need honest opinions

[ThomasB]

Nice one hairbrain. Even though your version of the dialogue is a bit 'too much' it is more interesting to read, it's less predictable and closer to a conversation of a couple in their late teens. Just my opinion.

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ThomasB http://www.biennavista.com

[This message has been edited by ThomasB (edited January 17, 2002).]

[wolfwood]

I really liked the dialogue in that one, hairbrain. Very quick. It'd be good but it doesn't fit the characters. Also,I'm trying to stay away from using too much profanity. The only reason I put them in their late teens is because those are the only people I could get to act it out.

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"I never said it would be easy, I only said it would be worth it"

[hairbrain]

Yeah I know what you mean about the profanity. It kinda spilled out though and that's what I heard them say. I appreciate that, in this way, its quite different from where your script is at but I thought, rather than tell you what my views were, I'd have some fun and try to explain by example.

I suppose the main point is that characters don't tell you they're characters... they just are characters. Dialog should reveal a character not explain it... if you get my drift...

keep smiling

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[Davis]

I thought the part where he said "What's the main dish?" and she says "Why did you cheat on me?" was pretty good, I got a good chuckle. But I don't think hairbrain's new bit is much better then the first, only because it's too far on the other side of the spectrum from the surrealistic subdued way in which the girl forgives the guy, now she's a ranting crazy woman.

Also, the Moulin Rouge way she breaks into song and cartwheels around the room going on about Love, Truth, and Beauty made the whole thing fall apart. It's a speech, and people don't make speeches at times like that.

I dunno. I think you felt bad that the girl was going to get hurt so you tried to make the ending nice and easy. Make them break up. Make her kill him and serve him as soup to the girl who's pants he was rummaging around in. Do something other then have them stroll off into the sunset together, with him cheating on her and saying she's all wrong for him and her saying, "Oh silly, that's just love!" And the scene closes with a heart being superimposed.

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"He who breaks a thing to discover what it is has left the path of wisdom."
-Gandalf

www.pmind.com